Music Playing…”Should I stay or should I go now?!” They wrote a song for you Tricia!!
LINDSAAAAAY,
Are you ready for a mental breakdown? Because I’ve been riding one for about a week now, and there is nothing else in my brain other than “WHAT SHOULD I DO??”
Should I stay in Greece after this year? My gut says, “Yes!” because already it’s so obvious that one year is not long enough to really sink my teeth into House Damaris, or to truly start feeling at home in Greece, or to go everywhere and see everything and befriend everyone! But if I say “yes” to staying longer….that means figuring out HOW. Because I’m a foreigner living in Greece, and I need permission to stay. And I’m also working for a mission organization, and they would have to approve me to continue working with them (and maybe change the terms of my working for them – I don’t know!). And I’m also here relying on the generosity of others, so I would need to fundraise again.
(I have started talking to my professional supervisors about all of this, don’t worry. Dina said, “Of course you are staying, I don’t want you to ever leave.” Argyris said, “Maybe you will marry a Greek man,” to which I replied, “I keep telling you to set me up!” to which he changed the subject because here, like everywhere else, there are very few single Christian cool guys to match with the enormous amount of single Christian cool girls.)
It turns out it’s super hard to live in a foreign country and work for a mission organization! Life does not run as smoothly as when I was a counselor or a librarian or a secretary!
But also – it’s SO COOL. I’ve had meetings just about every day this week as we prepare for House Damaris to start, and I LOVE IT. I love starting new organizations! I love the chaos and the organizing, I love the planning and re-planning, I love the smell of excitement (and fear) in the air. It’s SO FUN, and I can’t wait to see what it’s like when the intense AHHHH feelings turn into more routine schedules etc. So I want to stay. For one more year.
BUT DO I!?
What I’m really scared of is this: what if staying for another year includes having to return to the US for six months or a year (to do fundraising and figure out visa stuff)? I don’t think I could do it! Although I’m not in an emotional place where I want to stay somewhere forever, it sounds EXCRUCIATING to live in the US for six months, get all attached to everyone again, settle into a part-time job or whatever, and then WHOOPS, go back to Greece and try to catch up on everything I missed. That sounds awful, awful, awful. But can it be avoided?
I don’t know. The future is scary because it is unknown. The unknown is scary because I cannot control it. I would like to be a chill person who’s just like, “ah, whatever happens, happens” but that is so not me. I am more like, “AAHHHH, WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS!”
*blergh*
So, dear Lindsay, please tell me what to do. With the caveat that, while I would LOVE to live in the same city as you, there is pretty much no way in hell I will set up permanent residence in Peoria while absolutely everyone from my childhood is married to each other. I know how to avoid SOME mental breakdowns. So other than that….help?
Love,
Tricia
